Portal - PC

PORTAL = best game EVVAARR!

I feel like shit, I have no money and I need a new computer.
I guess I'll review Portal because all of my co-bloggers already called dibs and I wanna be an ass. :D

WARNING: due the the graphic nature of the following post, all fleshbags under the age of 18 should get down on their knees and STFU and read this damn post without whining like a little bitch. thank you. ^_^
                                              



                                     PORTAL
"The Tale of Fucked Up Physics, Psycho Computers, and Cake."

there's my fancy little name for it, now shut up.

first of all, I'd like to point out that portal was maddeningly short, but it makes up for it's "Half Life" side with more Half Life. namely the main character being dead silent throughout the entire game. at least we know she's polite, because she obviously had a mouth full of delicious and moist CAEK! An only a real main character wouldn't talk with her mouth full, so Chell earns "non-curse-alot" points from me. next up is the ever loving red eyed GLaDOS, with all her dark humor, innocent nature and obsession with baked desserts, you can't help but love this hanging hunk of sadistic metal.
with strong connections to the Half Life universe (and cake), I must say, that I didn't think it was going to come off so non-violent. other then a few cute turrets, the occasional death by stupidity and fire pit, there's virtually no reason why you shouldn't go out an buy this game, give it to your kids and watch them die over 9000 times trying to get past chamber-...18? I think? whatever, point is, they'll die. ALOT.
Portal will also teach your children how to murder their best friend, but that's something you'll have to find out for yourself. ;)
moving on, I could never understand what reason dear old GLaDOS had for turning into a psychopathic mecha bitch :/
I'm assuming she was made by Black Mesa (and we all know what happens when they get involved -.-)

Michi, Vlad, Tsuki, you took too long, I beat you too it. UMAD?

Love,
Oaxan :3