Metal Gear Solid Review

Once again I return to make funny and really bad reviews.
Today I'll review what is essentially the greatest video game in existence.
no, you pea-brained FPS sheep rapist, I'm not talking about "Halo" or any of its Photo-shopped and renamed sequels. I'm talking about the original bad-ass of the PlayStation, that's right I'm talking about Meal Gear Solid!
not MGS2. not MGS3. not Rocky and Bullwinkle. METAL GEAR SOLID.
now I know this knight in shining armor came out over a decade ago, but so did "Disgaea: HoD" so screw you.
first thing I wanna talk about this particular game is that it was my first M game ever and I LOVED IT. kinda like how some of you sorry S.O.B.'s spend your night's jacking off to Dead or Alive, praying your sisters don't walk in on you, but then a cat girl crashes through the window, sees you playing "wank the weasel" and decides to relieve you of your THUMBS and you enjoy every brutal moment of it.
after coming back from the hospital with your newly acquired wooden digits, you realize that if it happened again, it would be just as good but with less PAIN.
oh I'm sure the graphics for MGS, way back in the stone age that was the 1990's, that pixelated polygons and a frame rate equal to that of a retard flipping through "war and peace" while imagining the bottom line of words looking like a really thin snake dying in the middle of an orgasm, was pretty damned good.
the thing about this game I really loved was the fact that you could kill the guard, raise the alarm and simply hide inside a cardboard box and wait 30 seconds for the guards with an IQ of 20 to leave after staring at the dead body of their comrade, laying next to my box to LEAVE and go back to their posts and wait for me to whack them next. all the while me scratching my head and trying to remember exactly how stupid AI of the time was supposed to really be, probably something along the line of a storm trooper. but what really grinds my gears is that Solid Snake's twin brother: Liquid Snake has blond hair, speaks in a British accent and dresses like Ellen DeGeneres on a safari hunting trip, oh that's right, I went there! and to make it worse, he tries to kill me in a Helicopter! but no fears, I downed his General Armstrong ass with a few missiles I just so happened to find lying around on a rooftop, lucky me! then the flaming bawl of ghey had the nerve to not die when his damned helicopter made like the Hindenburg and BLEW THE FUCK UP, managed to get to metal gear before me, killed my ninja buddy while I was shaking in my heavily armed combat boot with a missile aimed right at the fucking cockpit while the ninja gave a speech you would normally only hear on Oprah and then tried the stomp on ME. talk about rude! after a week playing this game on and off, I finally destroyed  metal gear,  kicked Liquid's shiny buns of steel, saved the girl, and rode off into the frozen sunset riding a snowmobile, still wonder how the hell this game is rated M, was it because there was that damned ninja? after all, every ninja game I've ever seen is rated M, not counting Naruto because it's gayer then whoever pulled the plug on Katie perry showing her cleavage on sesame street. all in all MGS gets a 10 out of 10 for being totally bad-ass and snake gets to plow the ass of the generals niece, everyone's happy!