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| you gonna get raped |
Greetings, Infidels!
King Oaxan here with another SUPER OLD GAME REVIEW
and if you're thinking old like Super Mario Brothers or Grand Turismo 2, then I shall have to MASSACRE you're fat ass!
NO SIR! I'm reviewing the BEST PS2 game EVVVVAAAAAARRRR.
its not grand theft murder or god of ghey, ITS SHADOW OF THE COLOSSUS.
if you got a problem with this game, I suggest you take you're obese nose picking ass crack exploring hand and shove it a foot up you're nose and beat you're peanut sized brain into submission until it realizes what a good game REALLY IS. if you're looking for a game with ZERO BULLSHIT and a large open world with both puzzles and difficultly, I suggest you get this game before the scout from Team Fortress 2 breaks into your home, finds you're first born child and beats it do death with his insane accent.
I also like that the main character of SotC rarely speaks, if not ever, it keeps both ME and my drive for awesomeness running strong and proud. I wish I could have killed the damn horse, it kept following me like a stalker on drugs, always bumping into me and making a commotion over the smallest thing. I found no troubles killed the nasty beasties called Colossi, my brother though is at this moment whining and bitching over the fact he can't climb the 3rd one -_-
ANYWAY, I love this game, It makes me feel overpowered and almighty considering all you do to kill the beast-ards is stab their heads with what to them would be the same size of a tooth pick to us! away from the beasties, I must comment on the food, In SotC you can increase your health and stamina by eating the severed tails of a lizard and eating wild fruit from strange trees, I found this stupid and ghey.
you're wandering the world looking for giant butt-rapers by following the LAZAR from your stupid toothpick sword and you stumble upon a tree with black fruit that looks like a pine cone and you see a lizard with a diseased tail, your first instinct is to consume these and then you GROW STRONGER, it amazes me how weird the game play is in this game, but it is EPIC. nothing like roaming what appears to be china with your Lazar sword an retarded horse to find giant Furries with an armor fetish so you can kill them and get raped by the black tentacles that come out of them, afterwards you're teleported to the starting point and get gang banged by shadow people while a nearby statue spontaneously BLOWS UP, then you get orders from what I can only believe is this game's version of God telling you to go kill ANOTHER one right after you pry your thoroughly raped body off the cold stone floor. your main goal in this game is to bring the young woman laying on the pedestal in the middle of the room back to life after she was sacrificed in some sort of ritual for having bad breath or something, whatever the cause, it was about as gay as Edward Cullen and her girlfriend, the wolf-man. in the end I give this game a solid 9 out of 10 and I always loved climbing giant towers just to fall off and see Wander DIE. makes me happy for some unknown reason, but oh well, even punching a goat makes me happy :D
King Oaxan here with another SUPER OLD GAME REVIEW
and if you're thinking old like Super Mario Brothers or Grand Turismo 2, then I shall have to MASSACRE you're fat ass!
NO SIR! I'm reviewing the BEST PS2 game EVVVVAAAAAARRRR.
its not grand theft murder or god of ghey, ITS SHADOW OF THE COLOSSUS.
if you got a problem with this game, I suggest you take you're obese nose picking ass crack exploring hand and shove it a foot up you're nose and beat you're peanut sized brain into submission until it realizes what a good game REALLY IS. if you're looking for a game with ZERO BULLSHIT and a large open world with both puzzles and difficultly, I suggest you get this game before the scout from Team Fortress 2 breaks into your home, finds you're first born child and beats it do death with his insane accent.
I also like that the main character of SotC rarely speaks, if not ever, it keeps both ME and my drive for awesomeness running strong and proud. I wish I could have killed the damn horse, it kept following me like a stalker on drugs, always bumping into me and making a commotion over the smallest thing. I found no troubles killed the nasty beasties called Colossi, my brother though is at this moment whining and bitching over the fact he can't climb the 3rd one -_-
ANYWAY, I love this game, It makes me feel overpowered and almighty considering all you do to kill the beast-ards is stab their heads with what to them would be the same size of a tooth pick to us! away from the beasties, I must comment on the food, In SotC you can increase your health and stamina by eating the severed tails of a lizard and eating wild fruit from strange trees, I found this stupid and ghey.
you're wandering the world looking for giant butt-rapers by following the LAZAR from your stupid toothpick sword and you stumble upon a tree with black fruit that looks like a pine cone and you see a lizard with a diseased tail, your first instinct is to consume these and then you GROW STRONGER, it amazes me how weird the game play is in this game, but it is EPIC. nothing like roaming what appears to be china with your Lazar sword an retarded horse to find giant Furries with an armor fetish so you can kill them and get raped by the black tentacles that come out of them, afterwards you're teleported to the starting point and get gang banged by shadow people while a nearby statue spontaneously BLOWS UP, then you get orders from what I can only believe is this game's version of God telling you to go kill ANOTHER one right after you pry your thoroughly raped body off the cold stone floor. your main goal in this game is to bring the young woman laying on the pedestal in the middle of the room back to life after she was sacrificed in some sort of ritual for having bad breath or something, whatever the cause, it was about as gay as Edward Cullen and her girlfriend, the wolf-man. in the end I give this game a solid 9 out of 10 and I always loved climbing giant towers just to fall off and see Wander DIE. makes me happy for some unknown reason, but oh well, even punching a goat makes me happy :D
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